'Grace under pressure' - coaching the process with empathy

The author Ernest Hemingway first mentioned his famous phrase “grace under pressure” in a letter to F. Scott Fitzgerald in 1926. Incredible to think that was almost 100 years ago! Grace under pressure is a common conception of the Hemingway hero, someone with an attitude that defines courage, strength and fortitude especially when the chips are down.

You could say that when people display 'grace under pressure,' their best qualities show. When faced with a tough situation they utilise knowledge, leadership qualities, physical or mental endurance and all of this with a certain calmness.

We need to coach that! But how?

As always, I don't have all the answers, but I started thinking about the pressures our clients bring to coaching, and that those pressures are often situational, so if we can coach the situation it might help to build the 'grace' they need to deal with it. 

Imagine that they have what's already been mentioned – knowledge, leadership qualities, endurance – then add in other learned behaviours; personal skills, empathy, plus many more attributes that can be called upon. Then it starts to get easier to imagine that an 'action' (for want of a better word) is well within their grasp:

• A face-to-face conversation with someone they know well.
• A Zoom call with their trusted colleagues.
• A game of pool with their mates down the pub.

The conversation is relaxed and natural; the Zoom call is stress-free and they can't wait to get down to work with the dream team; they're pretty good at pool and enjoy playing for pints (or Aperol Spritz...or G&T...or alcohol-free beer...whatever's your fancy).

So they handle the above with confidence, their heart rate is steady, and there's very little pressure. They follow the 'process' and the learned behaviours and they achieve.

Now imagine this: 

• The conversation is with a challenging new coaching client.
• The Zoom call is with the senior leadership team and there's an expectation.
• The snooker game is for the world championship against Ronnie O'Sullivan.

The situation has changed. The stakes are higher. But the process is essentially the same. To coach this we want our clients to develop a mental state that follows the process and conquers the situation. At the same time, they need to be attuned to the needs and outcomes of the situation. There may be a degree of preparation required. Hmmm... all of a sudden this isn't as simple as we first thought.

How could I approach this?

First of all, I'd 'coach' the process. You can make breakfast for your kids, cook a tasty dinner for your partner, and you have the confidence and skills you need to do these things. Therefore, you can, with some extra planning and preparation, cook a tasty meal for a dinner party. Because you have the confidence in your abilities to cook under normal (unpressured) circumstances it just needs some adjustment in the process to allow for more people, different timings, a slightly higher order of recipes etc. But... you can do this because you already have the basic skills!

The next thing I'd do is work with them to build an Empathy Map. If this is a new language for some, then an Empathy Map is simply a tool that helps us understand what other people might be experiencing and thinking. We consider what our 'target persona' might think, feel, say or do in a certain situation and try to understand their state of mind and their needs and wants.

If we continue with our dinner party example, then our 'target persona' is the dinner guest and their empathy map might look like this:

Thinks: 

• "I'm really looking forward to tonight. I haven't seen these friends for ages."
• "Our host is a good cook but it's the company and the vibe that I'm really looking forward to."
• "I hope they don't get too stressed about cooking - we just want to share good times."

Feels: 

• I'm so happy that this is happening.
• Hungry!
• Delighted that I've been invited!

Says:

• "This is great! Your table looks amazing!"
• "I've brought a New Zealand Sauvignon but just park it if you have something special planned and enjoy it later!"
• "Food smells amazing. But I'm just glad we're all together at last!"

Does:

• Asks if they can help out in the kitchen because they want to be useful.
• Helps by pouring out drinks.
• Keeps the conversation flowing while you prepare the food.

With a combination of 'confidence in the process' ("I can cook and I've prepped for this") and an empathetic understanding of the audience's needs and wants, there's a good chance that we can coach our clients into a state of 'grace under pressure'. 

By acknowledging their skills (and working on any gaps as required beforehand) plus anticipating the needs of their 'audience' by putting themselves in their shoes (because they're human just like you) goes a long way to building your clients' confidence and overcoming their anxieties.

Here's a great example of an Empathy Map follow this link.

Hemingway also said, “The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.” But that's a quote for another post...